Saturday, August 30, 2008

Truth

Entry for October 09, 2006 Truth

Richard H. Rovere is quoted as having said, "[Joseph] McCarthy invented the Multiple Lie—the lie with so many tiny gears and fragile connecting rods that reason exhausted itself in the effort to combat it."

This may be true, but I am convinced that Dhiraj Sharma perfected it. In the 2+yrs we've been married he has spewd more venom, rejection and deceit than I imagined was humanly possible. I find myself, indeed, exhausted in the effort to combat it.

Above all, I would teach him to tell the truth . . . Truth-telling, I have found, is the key to responsible citizenship. The thousands of criminals I have seen in 40 years of law enforcement have had one thing in common: every single one was a liar.

J. Edgar Hoover
Interestingly enough this appears to be a common trait with my husband as well. The other is that they all loudly proclaim their innocence to anyone who will listen.

I have never seasoned a truth with the sauce of a lie in order to digest it more easily.

Marguerite Yourcenar

I would caution one not to dine with my husband.

Truth is the secret of eloquence and of virtue, the basis of moral authority; it is the highest summit of art and of life.

Having returned in May from a one week stint on an Upgrade and Migration Project for Emhart Glass in Cham, I thought my husband might appreaciate this quote. But to fully appreaciate the rightious dignity contained therein, he would first have to express the slightest interest in reading his wife's blog... or at the very least the mere interest in his wife.

Love truth, but pardon error.

I live this philosophy. However, loving the truth that Dhiraj seldom reveals gives me little to love in him. I have pardoned him repeatedly, but he is as a criminal who, after having received his pardon, is insanely committed to reapeating the very offense that made him a convict and held him hostage in the first place. It would appear that he desires no pardon.

We are born to inquire after truth; it belongs to a greater power to possess it. It is not, as Democritus said, hid in the bottom of the deeps, but rather elevated to an infinite height in the divine knowledge.

In my marrital experience, I find that both Montaigne and Democritus are correct. As Montaigne realtes, I was indeed born to inquire after truth. However, I believe that my husband hides his truth in the bottom of the deeps. In doing this, inhis own mind, he poses that infinite height of divine knowledge that only God posseses. A monumental acheivement for the morally indigent.

He that once deceives is ever suspected.

Apearrently, Dhiraj doesn't grasp this one. If he did, he'd understand why his parents and I (or anyone else, for that matter) find it difficulty to take him seriously.

The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune.

I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleagues, which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives.

Doesn't Dhiraj have colleagues or friends named Boris and Leo?

The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.

I KNOW whereof she speaks!

People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.

I've always been a kind, loving, patient human being, but after the lies, threats, intimidation, humiliation and the brutal torture that my husband has inflicted upon me I must admit I can understand the satisfation that retaliatory brutality may appear to bring to someone. The sad irony is, if my husband would only confess the truth he's been hiding from me, truly repent of his misdeeds and recommitt himself the an honest loving relationship with me I would guard those truths with my very existence. Ok, hit me between they eyes with it now... the disloyal deceiver never values honesty and loyalty in others.

Finances

Entry for November 01, 2006

It's getting cold here. I have no heat in the house. Our water has been shut off for non-payment. My children have been staying with their father. If I can't pay the $360 water bill to have the water turned back on, he'll be filing for custody of them and I'll lose my kids, too. I received a notice that, in spite of the temporary stay against the mortgage company's forclosure on my house, the mortgage company intends to continue with the forclosure. So... lose the house, lose my kids. I've already lost everything else... including my dignity.

I married the one person on this earth that I every trusted completely. I invested every part of my life in this marriage. I've survived mental torture, death threats, threats of him committing suicide, threats of charges being filed against me for harassment and robbery (the alleged theft of the gifts that his mother gave me when we married!), requests that I send him money, accusations of not caring about his family (I didn't attend his aunt's funeral. I begged him to book my flight to Shimla so I could be there, just as I've begged him to book my flight to come to India to spend time with him, but he refuses... and that's MY FAULT!).

He's never sent me money. I don't know how he spends the money he earns. I've accounted to him for everything I earn and spend. Tell me, when you see the facts and figures, what picture does it paint for you?

My take home pay, after deductions, is $95 usd per week. Multiplied by 52 wks per year, it's $4940 usd per annum. Divide that sum by 12 and you will arrive at an average of $412 usd per month. If the exchange rate is 45 INR to $1 usd, then my monthy take home pay is Rs. 18540. Given the fact that the cost of living in my area is 7-10 times the cost of living in India, I'm able to achieve the same standard of living here in the US that a person in India can achieve on Rs. 2649 per month.

Dhiraj's take home pay, after deductions, is Rs. 54000 per month. That's $1200 usd per month. Figure in the cost of living, and he's able to maintain the same standard of living in India that a man in the US can maintain if he earns $8400 usd per month or $100800 usd per year.

So when you compare apples to apples (and oranges to oranges), the figures in usd are:

Dhiraj - $100800 usd pa Lily - $4940 usd pa

OR--

Dhiraj - Rs. 648000 pa Lily - Rs. 31788 pa

When you look at these figures, he earns more in one month than I earn in one year! and he wants me to send him money?

He says I just want to punish him for having a college degree. I just want my husband to aknowledge his wife and support and protect her. Is it wrong or greedy of me to expect this from my husband? Isn't this a part of his dharma as a householder?

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME!?!

Honest Answers

A friend of mine, a lawyer from Delhi, emailed me a question posted on Yahoo Answers. He wanted me to answer the question because he thought that someone who has lived the experience - whose life has been forever altered by it - would be the best person to address the question. The question? :

Do u think that a lot of fraud person and even made-up-families are sitting on the net for marraige?

Things that are told prior to marraiges are generally found to be fake and untrue.
They are sort of ppl who love only money and may harm physically/mentally bride later.

The reply? :

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

On 22 April 2004, after knowing him for 4 years, and having numerous conversations with his parents and brother, I travelled to India and married Dhiraj. I returned, after 4 days of marriage, to file for his green card.

After only 1 month of marriage, he began to say things to me, either online or in phone conversations, that lead me to believe that he was seeing someone else.

After 4 months of marriage, he falsely accused me of cheating on him and said we were through. Not knowing what else to do, I called his father in India. My father-in-law was very understanding and spoke with my husband. I thought that things were going to work out, but he erupted again. When I called his father again, his father began to ask me questions about myself. I was shocked, as after our marriage, Dhiraj had informed me that he had lied to his parents about me so that they would accept me as their daughter-in-law. Accept me, they did. His mother and his brother signed as witnesses when we registered our marriage. However, only a few minutes before I called his father, Dhiraj had told me that he had come clean with his parents. I thought this was another in a long line of lies that he'd been telling me, but when his father began to question me about my divorce, my age, my children and their ages, I thought perhaps Dhiraj was finally turning over a new leaf.

I was wrong! Not only had Dhiraj lid to them, but he never told them the truth. The truth came from me and I have no doubt that he has been lying to them and has told them that he wasn't aware of my details until the day we registered the marriage.

This man has subjected me to extreme mental and emotional torture. He has made promises that he never intended to keep, and he has ruined my family life and my finances. I have been living in poverty in the US, foregoing and government financial assistance because I didn't want to jeopardize his green card status. On top of all of this, he had the nerve to tell me, "I'm in financial trouble here. If you were a good wife, you would be sending me money."

In nutshell, here's an excerpt from my orkut page:



about me:

"Married to Dhiraj Sharma. He works at ITC Infotech, Bangalore. I'm living and working in the US waiting for him to join me here."

I wrote those first 2 sentences more than 6 months ago. Since then, I've spent everything I had to spent a month in India with my husband. Instead of reconnecting with the one person in this world who means most to me, I found myself alone in a strange city, abandonded by my husband who chose to retreat to Delhi and refuse to answer his cell. I went to my husband's residence, only to be told by his landlord, that since November 2005, he's had a woman staying with him that he says is his wife and that he had taken her to Delhi for the holidays. After returning to stay with a family in Pune, I came to know that my husband had been calling the relatives of my friends and their company investors and maligning my character.

So you see, it doesn't matter how good your character is, doesn't matter how high your moral standard is, doesn't matter how intelligent or talented you are... if you marry someone who is an insecure, lying, thieving, self centered, egotistical, adulterous sadist, you have just entrusted your life to someone whose primary goal in life is your destruction. And "Why", you might ask? Because it's the only way for him to feel powerful and superior. Misery loves company. He appearently loathes himself so much that he prefers to call a prostiture his wife instead of the woman his mother approved of and signed as a witness for him to take as his wife. My misery is his happiness. Go figure.

After my trip to Bangalore, I procured a copy of my marriage memorandum. I'm not a hindu, never have been, but the affidavit that I signed that states I was born a Christian, now has the blanks filled in that say "I converted of my own sweet will as I am marrying a hindu boy". There is an affidavit signed by a priest that I have never seen, much less met, stating that he officiated at our marriage vows; vows, I might add, that were never taken.

So I have no marriage, no husband, no money, no dignity, and no life. THIS MAN IS A FRAUD! To add insult to injury, he filed a divorce complaint on a fake marriage, 4 months after he married his Mauritius prostitute! Because of this MONSTER, not only have I had to file for bankruptcy, and have suffered severe mental, physical and emotional problems, but I can't even remarry in the US! Although my marriage is invalid, I used the marriage certificate to change my surname. Without a court order, declaring my marriage void, I can't remarry. The only court with jurisdiction over this "sham marriage" is the family court in Pune.

I can only hope that I live to see the day when that man has suffered for all his lies and the suffereing he has caused. I have no doubt that I will be but one among a growing throng of others that have been praying diligently for that same event.
  • 8 months ago

Source(s):

Personal life experience

Asker's Rating:
4 out of 5
Asker's Comment:
There are many senseless people who can do anything for money..money has got right into their head..in that lust they can't appreciate opposite person any goodness....these people should be kept for entire life is jail...a term of 7-8 yrs in not enough for destroying somebody's life.
The stark irony is in, as Paul Harvey would say, "the rest of the story".

In April 2008, I received a phone call from Dhiraj. Apparently, he had obtained a divorce certificate for a our fraud marriage on Dec. 28, 2007. He was sent, by his company, to Boston on Ja. 3, 2008. Three days later, he was in Minneapolis, freezing his keester off. After what I can only assume he expected me to accept as a heartfelt apology and a vow to "change his spots", he proceeded to go on with his life, with complete disregard for the destruction he has created in mine. Just as it has always been, since my "supposed marriage" to him, he is free to live as he pleases and I am held hostage by an inability to prove that I'm free to remarry, and a financial hole that will, in a few short months, have cost me everything I have worked for my entire life.

So much for being honest, responsible and dependable. So much for hard work and diligence. I can honestly say it gets me nowhere. I gave everything, and he gave nothing. He starts over in the US with everything to his credit, and I'm going to have to start over with nothing.

If there is any justice in this world, the only time he ever told me the truth was when he said he has HIV. But I'm not going to hold my breath.